Commit to your non-negotiables
Image: Devin Avery
For so many of us, "the rules" can seem set.
We fit into the boxes we're given. We "play by the rules" and often, look to others to make them for us. We want to be sure we're doing it right. Whatever it is.
Eventually, though, if we're not taking ownership of whether and how we want to function inside those rules, life starts to feel less fulfilling.
We may start to wonder if we've climbed the wrong ladder or chosen the wrong door.
We can start to feel that life's treadmill is moving so fast that we don't have time to stop and question what we're running for (or to, or from).
But you do have time.
And every day, I talk to so many of us who are asking the questions right now.
leaders who are having vulnerable, challenging conversations about how to foster healthy work cultures and what it truly means to lead authentically, mindfully and by example
entrepreneurs and small business owners who are juggling working in and growing their business with living the life they wanted when they started it
ambitious, talented professionals who've decided that the way they're working isn't working anymore — and are ready to figure out what's next
women and men who are re-engineering their life, habits, behaviors and mindsets to achieve goals that were starting to feel overwhelming or impossible
people (like me!) who are in the midst of creating significant life and work transitions
In each case, it's all about what's negotiable to you and what is not. And how that changes and evolves over time.
Call them rules, non-negotiables, criteria, or what have you. Stepping into your personal leadership means doing the work to better understand and commit to your own ground rules.
Defining what is non-negotiable — in your personal life, in your work life, in your self care — creates so, so, so much clarity and opportunity. It's a crucial and reoccurring task if you want to dream, design and live a life that is fulfilling and sustainable (and fun!).
It gives fuel to your passion, your balance, your values-aligned life.
Where are you clear on what you want, how you want to live and what your priorities are? Where are the lines still fuzzy?
When you forget your rules — and we all forget them sometimes — you're not going to function at your best. You're not even close to creating what you most desire. Instead, you're stressed. You're getting lost in the drama of everyday life and feeding internal dramas that don't support you. You're maybe making excuses instead of making plans.
What rules are you writing for yourself right now about how you live and how you work?
How responsible are you to yourself in assessing, making and following them?
When do you fall off the mark (and you will), what helps you to pick yourself back up?
Where are you letting others dictate what's important?
I promise you, gaining clarity on the state of your non-negotiables can be the trigger for a cascade of positive change if you let it.
Perhaps it's time for a check-in?
For myself, I have a battery of personal rules that I've established over time. I try to be mindful of reviewing and revising as needed so that they stay relevant to me. This summer, with all the changes I've experienced at home and work, that's happened more than once. It's a practice that keeps me honest to myself and happier in the world.
Here are a few of mine. What would your list look like?
Pay attention to the experience you're creating. I have choices in the energy and attitude I bring, and I aspire to use them well.
Start with celebration and celebrate often. Positive mindsets and acknowledgement of what's working changes my thought process for the better, always.
Honor your own rules, but hold no one else to them. They're my rules, not theirs.
Meditate and play regularly. Even if it's 10 minutes, it matters, and the time investment pays off.
Do not work more than 4 days per week. This has, for 18+ years, worked best. (True story: This was actually a rule imposed by a former employer that I chose to make my own.)
Eat nourishing food and prioritize sleep. Good fuel and rest aren't optional and I am highly sensitive to both. Maybe you are, too?
Aim for what you want most, and let go of the details. A proven, simple recipe for reducing stress, drama ("no drama" is another of my favorite rules) and improving the odds of creating results I'm happy with.
Keep your eyes on your own mat. My yoga teacher was right about this. Focusing on what others are doing is a distraction from where your attention needs to be.
Inspire yourself. Don't wait around waiting for someone else to do it. Besides, inspired action is more motivating and gets better results.
Invest in yourself. Growth, fun, wellness, choice, downtime. Simply because it's all life-giving.
Fears are just fears. Time spent fighting and analyzing fears is time not spent on more productive and inspiring things. Everybody's got some. Acknowledge. Move on.
Evaluate by metrics that mean something. For me, right now, that's meeting my own benchmarks, and aligning with values of freedom, learning, wellbeing, balance and aiming to do more of what I love everyday.
I'd love to hear about your most key rules, and whether it's time to start re-examining them -- or learning harder into them.
