How changing your stories can change your life

As a writer, I've always loved the idea that we are the authors and editors of our lives and our careers. But as empowering as it can be to know that the decisions in plot and character development all come down to us, it can also be a challenging idea to swallow.

That's because it means we're not sitting on the sidelines anymore. Taking control of our own stories compels us to stand for what we want. However, it doesn't need to be complicated.

Living, leading and working in ways that fulfill and challenge you often comes down to three basic things:

making aligned choices
understanding your needs
tapping into your strengths

Each hinges on stories that you are telling yourself, and this is where the author/editor metaphor can be really useful as a reminder.

For example:

When you don't believe in the possibility, it's hard to visualize doing something different. When you choose another belief, your options start to expand.

When you buy into "I don't have a choice," you're likely to keep making the same unfulfilling one over and over. When you let that story go, you empower yourself to make new ones.

When you're unwilling to step up and ask for what you need, the story you've decided on ahead of time is that you're probably never going to get it. When you revise this story, doors can open.

When you are hesitant to stand out or set a boundary, it can be challenging to stand for the life you love living. When you're attuning to that need, life feels a lot more authentic and more "you".

Owning your authorship doesn't erase life's challenges. It allows for more resilience in the face of them. With awareness and practice, we can tell powerful stories about our choices, needs and strengths.

And yet, revising our stories is not often where we first look when we feel stuck. I'd like to change that.

It doesn't take a wholesale rewrite to start things moving in the direction that you want to go. The small edits and tweaks you make to your stories along the way can be even more powerful.

Once you've changed your mind, you're standing in an entirely different place. Things look different from there.

Here are 7 simple ways to start telling a different kind of story:

Make a choice about what you want to experience.

When we’re bored, stuck or unfulfilled, it’s often because somewhere along the line, we have accepted that state. We can decide instead to challenge ourselves and look for other options and opportunities. We can be intentional about how (and who) we want to be. This is (always) up to us.

Understand what it is you’re really after.

What is it that you want your work or relationship or lifestyle to provide? Is it a stepping stone to your bigger vision? Do you want to grow and develop in certain areas? Are you trying to get a specific need met? Do you wish to move forward into something new or settle in where you are?

Identify and develop your natural greatness.

Identifying your strengths with a coach or through an assessment tool, and looking for the situations, relationships, activities and opportunities that will use those strengths well creates a natural momentum. Many of us have strengths blindness and a little exploration in this area opens up many exciting stories.

Notice what you dismiss.

When a friend or colleague's pleasures, promotions or accomplishments bring out your avoidance, snark, jealousy, anger or "must be nice," that's a warning sign. Dismissing or judging other people's choices or lifestyles is a direct path to a story that is not serving you. What is it telling you?

Take charge.

If you're yearning for change, that's an authorship sign. Too many people let their workplaces manage their career, let others manage their relationships or live by expectations they haven't examined.

Work with a purpose.

Grounding yourself in your personal values and priorities and knowing how your choices align can change your daily experience dramatically. That's what real life purpose is about. Consider posting them where you can see them or writing yourself a personal mission or manifesto to remind yourself of what matters.

Observe and maintain your energy.

Check in with yourself throughout the day. Notice how you feel when working on certain types of tasks. Notice how you feel in the morning, during work, at the end of the day. Reschedule as much as possible to coincide with your natural energy patterns. Pay attention to what energizes you, and write in a little more of that. Healthy energy and aligned choice-making are a virtuous cycle.

Try out a few of these small steps and see what stories you uncover -- and which ones you decide to change.

I'd love to hear what works best for you.